Trouble Spots

Searching ‘round for troubled spots throughout the Middle East,
let’s jump in! We’ll get involved, we’ll start a war for peace!
The region has been at it for around thousands of years,
most men and boys will shed some blood, most mothers shed some tears.

Let’s drop some bombs and sort ’em out, ten thousand’s no great loss,
let’s smash their towns and cities too! We’ll show ’em who is boss!
Across the world, in our own backyard, there’s a war of a different kind,
a young teen mother and her baby, no comfort can they find.

Both victims, perhaps of circumstance, for this there’s no excuse,
she too is someone’s baby with her child of abuse.
She sits in parks all day and walks the streets at night,
frightened, lonely, wandering, this is a homegrown fight.

Drivers stop and stare then wind their windows up,
while she sees a man approaching who might provide some bucks.
She goes back to his room and lays her baby down,
she gives him what he wants but there’s no money from this clown.

Back out on the street eating rubbish from a bin,
crying through her blackened eyes she’s met many men like him.
Meanwhile, our troops are overseas fighting someone else’s war,
yet we have so many homegrown problems right here at our front door.

© 2019 Poetry Dude

 

 

© 2019, PoetryDude. All rights reserved.

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PoetryDude
I love to read and write when time allows in this busy world.
Trouble Spots

6 thoughts on “Trouble Spots

  • July 24, 2019 at 8:12 am
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    Hello Nancy.

    Wow, that’s the best and most helpful review I’ve ever had. Yes, I want help like this it makes writing worthwhile to know there are people out there who actually care about the art of reviewing.

    You say “Please don’t be angry,” how on earth could anybody get angry when another writer takes such a caring approach and I can’t thank you enough. I’ll go through it and make some changes and hopefully, soon I’ll have time to review and post more.

    PD

  • July 24, 2019 at 12:17 am
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    Please don’t be angry. I just want to help. Your message is so important ….

    In Trouble Spots, you begin in trochaic meter using 13 syllables per line. Two lines later, you switch to iambic meter and 14 syllables per line. Here and there, as you proceed, the syllable count and meter changes. This distracts from your imagery and overall message.

    I did a full rewrite for comparison, just evening things up. Maybe there’s something here you’ll find useful. Please excuse my presumption.

    We search around for trouble spots throughout the Middle East.
    Hey! Let’s jump in! We’ll get involved and start a war for peace.
    The region has been at it for more than a thousand years.
    Most men and boys will shed some blood, most mothers will shed tears.

    Let’s drop some bombs and sort ’em out! Ten thousand’s no great loss.
    Let’s smash their towns and cities, too! We’ll show ’em who is boss!
    Across the world, in our backyard, war’s of a different kind.
    A young teen mother and her babe, no comfort can they find.

    All victims circumstantial be, for this there’s no excuse.
    She, too, is someone’s baby with her infant of abuse.
    She sits in parks and begs all day, then walks the streets at night.
    She’s frightened, lonely, wandering. This is a homegrown fight!

    While drivers stop and stare at them, then wind their windows up
    a man approaches wanting things. Oh, what she’ll do for bucks.
    She goes back to his room with him and lays her baby down.
    She gives him what he wants. Too bad! No money from this clown.

    Back on the street, now they must eat what she finds in a bin
    while crying from her blackened eyes. Too many men like him.
    Meanwhile , our troops are overseas at someone else’s war.
    Yet, we have problems by the score at our own front door.

    Please let me know if you want this kind of help. If not, let me know. 🙂 Nancy

  • June 24, 2019 at 9:17 am
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    Thanks very much, everyone for reading, taking the time and for understanding the message in my poem. I really appreciate it.

  • June 11, 2019 at 4:36 am
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    What a very sad story, one that is only too true for many young girls these days. The poor girls not only have to give them what they want, but the men also beat the girls and don’t pay them. They are evil. Well done, this is a very well written poem touching on a very sad situation. — Sandra xx

  • June 10, 2019 at 9:05 am
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    Hi, Poetry Dude

    Spot on with this poem. Sadly, everywhere in the world, there is so much unrest, homelessness, and despair for peeps.

    Excellent write. Cheers, J (*>*)

  • June 10, 2019 at 2:03 am
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    Thanks for posting this. You point out, so well, that there are many injustices and many different kinds of violence. This mother is fighting battles every day to keep her baby fed…the dies a thousand deaths, having to surrender her body to strangers in order to provide nourishment. War is destruction–and destruction is occurring both in the Middle East and on the very streets of our own cities. Point well taken.–Karenina

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