“You say there’s a stay-home order that recommends you keep six feet distance between you and another person? You used to only guess if someone is closer than six feet. Needless to say, whipping out a tape measure to check looks rather rude. Not anymore; introducing the ‘Cove-Bill 4000-V-19’ the baseball hat with a six foot long bill that tells you immediately if some bastard’s violated your six-foot safety zone. A six foot bill? Impossible, not to mention impossibly heavy, isn’t it? It used to be, but our cab bill is made from revolutionary new ‘Carbo-Flex’, a patented mixture of carbon-steel and a lightweight fiber-like substance. If someone approaches you and jostles your hat, simply say “What the hell are you doing? Get back there, idiot—why not infect the whole city, ass wipe!”There’s never been a baseball hat that’s so cool-looking, and keeps you safe.

Now available through this exclusive T. V. offer; call 1-800-Flex Me today; that’s ordinarily a $600 dollar value, but if you order in the next fifteen seconds, we’ll sacrifice these beautiful baseball hats for the ridiculously-low price of only $16.95; incredible! Operators are standing by to take your order. So be sure to purchase the adjustable baseball hat made for these troubled times!”

© 2020, MikeS. All rights reserved.

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MikeS
What can I say other than I know, and I'm currently in therapy
“Cove-Bill 4000-V-19”
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3 thoughts on ““Cove-Bill 4000-V-19”

  • April 1, 2020 at 12:20 pm
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    Hahahaha! Six foot is suppose to be the golden rule for a safe distance.

    Somebody needs to invent a beeper that attaches to garments or a hat? Maybe a pin with an infrared detector. Goes off when an object is six feet away!

    Have me a water pistol and squirt them when they get too close!

    Perfect time to write when we are self quarantined!

    Nice research!

    BOO 👻 Ghost

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