“You say there’s a stay-home order that recommends you keep six feet distance between you and another person? You used to only guess if someone is closer than six feet. Needless to say, whipping out a tape measure to check looks rather rude. Not anymore; introducing the ‘Cove-Bill 4000-V-19’ the baseball hat with a six foot long bill that tells you immediately if some bastard’s violated your six-foot safety zone. A six foot bill? Impossible, not to mention impossibly heavy, isn’t it? It used to be, but our cab bill is made from revolutionary new ‘Carbo-Flex’, a patented mixture of carbon-steel and a lightweight fiber-like substance. If someone approaches you and jostles your hat, simply say “What the hell are you doing? Get back there, idiot—why not infect the whole city, ass wipe!”There’s never been a baseball hat that’s so cool-looking, and keeps you safe.
Now available through this exclusive T. V. offer; call 1-800-Flex Me today; that’s ordinarily a $600 dollar value, but if you order in the next fifteen seconds, we’ll sacrifice these beautiful baseball hats for the ridiculously-low price of only $16.95; incredible! Operators are standing by to take your order. So be sure to purchase the adjustable baseball hat made for these troubled times!”
© 2020, MikeS. All rights reserved.
- What can I say other than I know, and I'm currently in therapy